Joke selection

You learn a lot in your teenage years. For example, I learnt that if you're ever being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a little tunnel, then onto a mini-see-saw and then jump through a ring of fire...

...they've been trained for that.
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What did Stephen Hawking get on his IQ test.

A. Drool.
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Women eh! Boob jobs, nose jobs, teeth bleaching, tummy tucks, liposuction, colonic irrigation, botox, pierced ears, nipples, bellys and clits, eyebrows plucked, bikini wax, armpits shaved, lips tattooed, legs waxed, diets, exercise and they wont take it up the arse cause it 'hurts'.
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What has getting your girlfriend pregnant and locking your keys in the car got in common?

Both problems can be easily fixed with a coat hanger
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A couple are shagging in the graveyard.
Another guy comes along and says "hey, can I have a go?"
"**** off you ****, go and dig your own up!
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If you have sex with a prostitute without her permission, is it rape... or shoplifting?
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Is it just me or does anybody else think that Microsoft knew what they were doing when the designed a hand for their mouse pointer, so men could use it to finger the models on the porn sites
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A blue whale produces over 400 gallons of sperm when it ejaculates.

Only 10% of that actually goes into its mate.

Ever wondered why the sea tasted so salty?