the hit man

Two old friends were just about to tee off at their golf course
when a guy carrying a golf bag called out to them, "Do you mind
if I join you? My partner didn't turn up."

"Not a problem," they said, "Come join us."

They began play and enjoyed the company of the newcomer.
Part way around the course, one of the friends asked, "What do
you do for a living?"

"I'm a hit man," was the reply.

"You're joking!" both friends responded.

"No, I'm not," he said, as he reached into his golf bag,
pulling out a beautiful Martini sniper's rifle with a large
telescopic sight. "Here are my tools."

"That's quite a sight," said the one friend, "I think I might
be able to see my house from here."

He picked up the rifle and looked through the sight in the
direction of his house.

"Yeah, I can see my house all right. This sight is fantastic.
I can see right through the window. I can see my wife in
the bedroom and she's naked! Wait, that's my neighbour
in there with her...He's naked, too! The bit*h!"

He turned to the hit man, "How much do you charge for a hit?"

"I do flat rate, one thousand dollars every time I pull the trigger."

"Can you do two for me now?"

"Sure, what do you want?"

"First, shoot my wife. She's always been mouthy, so shoot
her in the mouth. Then the neighbor. He's a friend of mine,
so just shoot his d!ck off to teach him a lesson."

The hit man took aim with the rifle, standing perfectly still
for a couple of minutes.

"Are you going to do it or not?" said the friend impatiently.

"Just be patient," said the hit man calmly, "I think I can save
you a grand here!"

lmao, ace

LOL

haha! quality!